Acceptance?

They say there are stages in grief. Perhaps instead, I might call them realisations instead.

I was writing a chapter in one of my ‘'‘work in progress’ novels the other day. It was about a character coming home. Coming home to a place where they had once loved, and lost.

I wrote something that I didn’t realise I had realised.

“It was strange how hollow home had come to feel. Here, I was constantly aware of where they were missing. Whereas, now, in my new life, I was aware of where they might be found.”

It made me realise that in time I had come to see her presence, rather than her void.

That though they might no longer be where they once stood. They are in the songs, or in expressions you find yourself saying. In thinking: ‘She would have loved this!’, or even in the moments when you fuck up and think ‘Oh, I would never have told you about this.’.

So in a strange, quiet way - It’s nice to see her again.